Good Heavens! The polar ice caps on Mars have been melting at the same speed and at the same time as those on Dear Mother Gaia….

What those red-skinned Martian pagans need is a good ol' fashioned talkin' to!

I think we should send Brother Al on his first intra-galactic missionary journey to the Red Planet. Those heathen Martians obviously need to hear the Saving Grace Green Gospel of Gore. They've been raping the planet for far too long, apparently….

(Getting the "Brother Al Payload" off the ground and into outer space will, obviously be prohibitively expensive, but if we sell enough Carbon Offset Indulgences to help Crusader-Gore break through the troposphere and beyond the Earth's gravitational pull, it will be worth it!

So…….

Brother Al, please take The Gospel
To our neighbors out in space!
Al, they're RUINING THEIR PLANET!
It's a SHAME!
It's a DISGRACE!

I don't think they're comprehending
That hell's knocking on their door!
Preach it, Brother Al!….
Get going!
Please Blast off, Il Papa-Gore!

Save them, Al, because they're sinning!
Just because their "green" is "red",
Doesn't mean they don't need Gaia…
Tell them:
"Better red than dead!"

Tell those Redskins, Al, "Repentence!"
Is The Way to clear the slate…
Tell them, Al, to place their Greenbacks
Into your collection plate.

 Print This Post | Other posts by Tom Graffagnino